Parenting Strategies: Advice, Books Can Help Navigate Gifted Waters
by Paula Prober M.S., M.Ed.

- Gifted children are usually intense, extra-emotional and highly sensitive.

Teach your child self-soothing methods such as humming, deep breathing, and journaling. Help her find healthy ways to express her emotions. Suggest that she visualize a beautiful container so she can place her intense feelings there when it’s not appropriate or safe to show them. Allow her to watch activities before participating or to leave early if she’s overwhelmed. Even though these children may talk and think like adults, they’re still youngsters who need clear limits and consistency. Resource: Kurcinka’s Raising Your Spirited Child.

- These children often struggle with perfectionism.

Avoid praising your child for his achievements. In place of "that’s great" or "you’re so smart" say "tell me more about the character in your story" or "your kindness helped that boy." Specific feedback has more meaning, while praise can feel like pressure.

Your child may have high expectations and ideals and often strive for perfection. This tendency may feed her soul, so it needs to be nourished, but it may also become a burden. Explain that a product can be excellent without being perfect and help her prioritize projects so some of them can be in-depth and others can skim the surface. Break large projects down into smaller steps. De-emphasize grades. Suggest she engage in activities that take time and effort to master so she learns how to deal with frustration and even with failure.

Examine how invested you are in your child’s intelligence. Be aware of how you react to his achievements. Not only can he feel the pressure of your expectations and become fearful of disappointing you, but he may also stop achieving all together if he believes that he is only worthwhile when he’s productive. Love him for who he is, not for what he can do. And if you’re struggling with perfectionism yourself, start to admit and accept your own mistakes and share what you learn from them with your child. Resource: www.sengifted.org.

- Gifted youngsters love learning but can be disappointed and frustrated with schooling if the work isn’t challenging or meaningful.

Stay involved at your child’s school. Talk positively with her teachers about what’s working well in the class, what your child is capable of and how she loves new ideas and complexity. Form relationships with the more sensitive, flexible, and creative teachers. Consider acceleration, cyber-school (coolschool@k12.or.us), or home schooling. Resource: Smutny’s Stand Up for Your Gifted Child.

- Friendships can be hard to find and painful because of different interests, sensitivities, and abilities.

Help your child find friends of different ages who have similar traits. Use role playing to practice making friends and communicating. Look for mentors. Read stories about loneliness and discuss them. Resource: Halsted’s Some of My Best Friends are Books.

- Gifted children often have great empathy for the suffering of others.

Your child may worry about other children, the environment or the state of the world. Help him get involved in community service projects or to participate in an activity where he can have a positive impact.

If your child is overwhelmed by world events or by others’ pain, decide what you believe spiritually and share your beliefs. Discuss spirituality with her, listen to her questions and appreciate her curiosity and intuition. Some children find deep peace in nature, in a higher power or in a belief in God. Resource: Noble’s Riding the Windhorse.

Giftedness can be both a blessing and a burden. With sensitive guidance and deep understanding from parents and educators, these children will find peace, meaning and purpose within themselves and in their world. We will all benefit.