Gifted Kids, Like Rainforests, Must Be Allowed to Flourish
by Paula Prober M.S., M.Ed.

When we talk about gifted children, who are we talking about? What do we mean? Are we being elitist when we use that label? Isn’t everyone gifted?

These are some of the typical questions that people ask when the topic of “gifted children” is broached. Parents living with these youngsters ask even more questions.

Why don’t all the usual parenting techniques work? Why can’t my child communicate with kids her age when she can conduct fascinating conversations with my adult friends? Why does my child do so poorly in school when I know he knows the material? ? How can my child be so emotional, so sensitive and so disorganized and yet consistently test in the 99th percentile?

Giftedness is a complex and controversial topic. And there are no easy answers. Obviously, all children have gifts. But not all children are gifted, if we’re meaning advanced developmentally, wiser than their years, and more complex than their peers mentally and emotionally.

Elitism becomes an issue if people make racist or arrogant assumptions that only certain types or groups of people could be or should be gifted. Giftedness, of course, exists in every race, religion, culture and socio-economic group.

An analogy might be helpful. Children can be described as ecosystems. Some are like rivers, others are like deserts, meadows, or mountains. Each one is beautiful, special and valuable. Gifted children are like rain forests—intense, multi-layered, creative, colorful, complex, highly sensitive, and misunderstood.

Yet, even as all children need our careful attention and love, it’s often assumed that children who are gifted will be fine no matter what. That is not necessarily so.

Meet Anna. At age 4, she refused to attend birthday parties because she couldn’t handle the noise and she was heartbroken and confused that no one wanted to talk with her about the books she loved. At 6, she insisted that her parents take action to prevent pesticide use on school playgrounds. Anna is now 12. She’d rather write elaborate stories of mythological characters than hang out at the mall. She gets home from school with headaches because she internalizes the stress other students are under and even though she has great empathy for her peers, she can’t find even one in whom she can confide. She finds peace in nature and is often moved to tears when she feels the sun on her back and hears her favorite birds singing.

And Jorge. At age 9, he comforted children who were hurt on the playground and cried with them. He asked his parents unending questions about everything including, his purpose on the planet, the history of the space shuttle and Mozart’s symphonies. Now, in middle school, his grades are dropping because he’s disillusioned with the repetitive assignments and yearns for a more challenging curriculum. At the same time, he avoids trying new activities, if he doesn’t know in advance that he’ll be successful. His perfectionism makes it hard for him to complete projects because they never come out like he envisions them, yet, high expectations from his parents and teachers overwhelm him.

Anna and Jorge are "rainforest" kids. They are not easy children to raise due to their intensities and complexities. While all children have their own particular beauty and value, the gifted children among us need our understanding and support so that, like the rain forests around the world, we allow them to flourish. We owe it to them, and to ourselves.